This is the last in a series of six sidenotes, the others can be found here:
How hard can it be, to be me (1)
How hard can it be, to be me (2); dissecting the authentic life
How hard can it be, to be me (3); hypothesize
How hard can it be, to be me (4); test for authenticity
How hard can it be, to be me (5); acceptance or rejection

Now that we have found some authentic activities or goals, and we have taken the first step towards achieving them (you have taken the first step, right?). Now we have to maintain our connection to it in our everyday lives. We have to keep the connection within, and deal with the pressures from outside.

We all know what societal pressures are about. We can name examples of things we are supposed to do, or behavior that we are supposed to show, or achievements that are expected of us, careers that we are destined for, and so on. They are all aspects of what others want you to be or think you should be!

If you’re not aware of your authentic needs and wants, you are destined to react directly to this environment. Typical reactions are:

• pleasing (conformist; always complying to expectations)
• opposing (non-conformist; always deliberately not-complying to expectations)
• apathetic (indecisive or not interested in compliance to expectations)

Reacting directly to what happens in your environment, without making a conscious decision, makes you a function of your environment. The environment then, is the most critical defining factor in defining you. Having a connection with your authentic needs and wants, makes it easier to take decisions. There’s more to it, but it’s a step in the right direction.

Being authentic is about what you want to be. If you’ve found activities or purposes that you have found to be authentic to you, you have created a foundation against these pressures. It creates an inner-reference, and creates an attitude of creation.

I’ll be returning to the subject of withstanding societal pressures a lot more. Dealing with it is the ongoing process of remaining authentic, getting there is one, staying in touch with it, is quite another.

This is the fifth in a series of six sidenotes, the first four can be found here:
How hard can it be, to be me (1)
How hard can it be, to be me (2); dissecting the authentic life
How hard can it be, to be me (3); hypothesize
How hard can it be, to be me (4); test for authenticity

Hypothesizing and testing are needed for the actual result, the conclusion. Is the assumption stated in the hypothesis true or false? The information gathered in the testing phase needs to lead to this conclusion.

Based on the test, three outcomes are possible:

• The results are inconclusive
• The hypothesis is rejected
• The hypothesis is accepted

The results are inconclusive.

That sucks. Most of the times this is due to one of the following reasons:

• The hypothesis is not clear enough, or ambiguous.
• The hypothesis is multi-purpose. For example:
  ” To ensure my authentic future growth, running a community centre and starting a community theatre group allow me to add value or meaning to my and other people’s lives.”
  This hypothesis needs to be broken up in two separate parts, one about running the centre, and the other about the theatre group.
• The testing and research has not been done extensively enough. This is important stuff, don’t rush it! Go out and talk to those people, and then to some more.
• The introspective testing has proven to be to hard to do on your own. Go find someone that you trust to help you with it. There are lots of coaches out there.

The hypothesis is rejected.

Good! You learned a lot while conducting this exercise, and probably have a clue about (several) other hypotheses.

The hypothesis is accepted.

Congratulations! You have found a gem. Now write it down on a piece of paper, and put it somewhere, so you see it on a daily basis. Then think about the next action, what can you do now to take the first step in achieving what you want?

In the next and last sidenote, I’m looking into societal pressure

This is the fourth in a series of six sidenotes, the first three can be found here:
How hard can it be, to be me (1)
How hard can it be, to be me (2); dissecting the authentic life
How hard can it be, to be me (3); hypothesize

Tests. Love to hate them? Or hate to love ‘em?

In the previous sidenote I stated that we have to test whether goals and purposes are authentic. To do this I use a technique similar to statistical hypothesis testing, but without the statistical mumbo-jumbo.

A hypothesis is a statement in which we express an assumption. Next is conducting a test that gives us data to analyze whether this assumption is true or false. Tests gather data and information; the test criteria provide a conclusion.

In this series of sidenotes we are focusing on discovering authentic activities, goals and purposes. We have made hypotheses that state our assumptions. Gathering information on these hypotheses is not as straightforward as we might like. For example, when looking at one of the hypotheses:

To ensure my authentic future growth, starting a blog about personal development allows me to add value or meaning to my and other people’s lives.

I have to gather information on all parts:

1. Does it allow me to grow?
2. Does it add value or meaning to me?
3. Does it add value or meaning to others?

Items 1 and 2 are about me, item 3 is about others. They require different tactics.

I cannot come up with answers for the others, so I have to talk to them to get a feel about that. So to test this hypothesis, I will specifically ask people around me if they feel it would add value or meaning to them if my ideas where available on the web in a blog. I already knew that interacting with others about these topics face to face, was perceived as adding value or meaning. I was specifically focusing on getting to know whether and how a written (much less interactive) version would also add value. I’m still very much open to feedback on this issue. What do you like about my blog? What can I do better? Please leave a comment so I can use it to improve.

For items 1 and 2, I have to turn inward. They are about me, and in the end it’s about my emotions towards the activity or purpose. Growth to me, is a making progress towards a desired future of which I have a vision; this can be done “thinking”. Value or meaning is whether I feel good about it; this has to be done “feeling”. There are several techniques available to help you, ranging from sitting in front of the fireplace with a glass of whisky pondering the past, present and future, to guided visualization-exercises where you visit your own funeral or talk to the inner child. You can also ask people questions about what they feel gets you enthusiastic. Or can you remember instances of flow? They are indicators of authentic activities. These are examples of techniques I have used. And as Gitari says in the very first comment on this blog “all the trees in the forest are not the same”. What works for me, may not work for you.

I encourage you to do the exercises, in the doing is the learning. In the next post I’ll talk about how to decide on whether to accept or reject the hypothesis.

This is the third in a series of six sidenotes, the first two can be found here:
How hard can it be, to be me (1)
How hard can it be, to be me (2); dissecting the authentic life

Do I know who I am?
Do I know who I’m going to be?
Do I want to be who I’m becoming to be?
Do I know if it is really me?
Or if it is what I think I want to be?
Or if it is what I think others want me to be?

Not the easiest questions, in my opinion anyway. I give these questions a lot of thought. They interest me in several ways and, philosophical in nature as they are, I want to investigate them in a pragmatic way.

I have found a way to test if something I think is part of my authentic me, really is part of my authentic me. This testing involves creating a working hypothesis, a method of testing and criteria for acceptance or rejection.

Creating the hypothesis

If something is part of my authentic me, it has to add value or meaning to me and to others, I use my power of free choice, and it allows (or even encourages) me to grow. So as a working hypothesis I use a sentence like:

To ensure my authentic future growth <enter topic/goal/ambition here> allows me to add value or meaning to my and other people’s lives.

Examples:

• To ensure my authentic future growth, starting a blog about personal development allows me to add value or meaning to my and other people’s lives.
• To ensure my authentic future growth, participating actively in the upbringing of my children allows me to add value or meaning to my and other people’s lives.
• To ensure my authentic future growth, starting a community theatre group allows me to add value or meaning to my and other people’s lives.

By creating the hypothesis, I already think about the three elements of authentic life. A hypothesis like “earning a million dollars in 2008” makes me wonder almost instantaneously how and why that activity would create value in other people’s lives. It is a goal, that’s for sure, but what purpose does it serve? The purpose behind the goal (the “why”), needs to be in the hypothesis.

Next sidenote is about testing.

I like personality tests. They provide me with insight, because they make me think about myself. They provide me with an opportunity to connect to my authentic self. One of the tests that I learned a lot from is MBTI, the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator.

MBTI uses four dimensions to classify a person’s character, and thus defining 16 different types. The dimensions are:

• Attitude: Introversion vs. Extraversion (I / E)
  Where do you get your energy from? Is the energy flow inward (thoughts, ideas and impressions) or is the energy flow outward (focus on interacting with people)?
• Perceiving function: iNtuition vs. Sensing (N / S)
  How do you observe the outer world? N-types focus on the future, with a view of possibilities and patterns. S-types focus on the present, making concrete and factual observations.
• Judging function: Feeling vs. Thinking (F / T)
  How do you decide? Do you decide with your heart, or with your head? Is it based on values or on logic?
• Attitude of functions: Judging vs. Perceiving (J / P)
  Is the perceiving or the judging function dominant? Judging-dominant types have the F / T preference dominant and tend to like an organized approach to life. They like quick closure. Perceiving-dominant types have the N / S preference dominant and tend to experience life as it comes to them. They tend to avoid closure.

There are a lot of resources on the web about MBTI. A list of sites is at the bottom of this article.

My MBTI-type

The first time I took the test was in 2000. The result of the test was INTP. My preferences for the four dimensions were:

• I: Weak
• N: Very strong
• T: Strong
• P: Very strong

I had some doubts, but generally recognized myself in the type. The second time I took the test was in 2002. The result came in ENFP. Two out of the four dimensions were different. My weak preference for I turned into a weak preference for E. And my strong preference for T turned into a strong preference for F. This time, my doubt was gone (at least, I convinced myself that I had no doubt).

The third time I took the test was last year. The result came in INFP. My previously weak preferences for either I or E, now turned into a fairly strong preference for I. This time, I’m sure this is the accurate description of my preferences.

What the heck happened to me?!

Well in many aspects I’m still the same guy, with the same preferences. What happened was that my eyes opened to the massive influence of expectations from society and from people around me.

On the first dimension (attitude; Introversion vs. Extraversion) my switch from I to E was mainly because I subconsciously convinced myself that my preference was Extraversion. I deeply felt that E was better than I, so I needed to be E. And I told myself that there are a lot of times where I get all energized when interacting with other people, so I must be an E. But my real preference has always been Introversion.

On this dimension I gave in to societal pressure. People with extroverted characteristics are generally regarded as nice, outgoing, friendly, sociable people, and this is often labeled “better” than the people with introverted characteristics. Add to this that Extraversion is generally rewarded better than introversion in a lot of aspects.

My switch on the second dimension (judging; Feeling vs. Thinking) has a different background. On this dimension I was taught to value Thinking higher than Feeling, both by our school system and by my upbringing. Our school system overemphasizes Thinking in my opinion. Add to this that expressing feelings in my family was far from encouraged, and my resulting preference for T was no surprise, and I felt it was correct.

The test made me aware of the difference, and as time went by I noticed that my decision-making wasn’t as rational as I thought it was. I noticed that I relied on my feelings when making decisions, and afterwards tried to rationalize them. But if the numbers are right, and the feeling is not, there’s no way I’m going to do it.

Something to think about

So MBTI gave me a lot to think about, and it made me aware of the effects of education, upbringing and societal pressures. It made me also very aware of the fact that being authentic requires effort. MBTI, or personality tests in general, will not tell you who you are. They do provide an excellent foundation for self-exploration and for developing self-knowledge.

As to my type, I’m INFP, and I’m pretty sure that this is a good representation of my preferences. You know what really convinced me? The fact that Calvin is INFP. As a kid I was só Calvin, and in many aspects I still am…

Spaceman Spiff signing off.

MBTI resources on the web:

• The Myers & Briggs foundation
• Personality Page
• Typelogic
• Keirsey Temperament sorter (please hire a designer for your layout)
• MBTI (Wikipedia)