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In every difficult situation is potential value. Believe this, then begin looking for it. Norman Vincent Peale

Sometimes it seems like life is preventing you from achieving your goals. You define your goals right, you make them aligned with you values, you plan the time to work on them and then … something unexpected happens.

This can be anything. Life can be very creative in throwing obstacles on your path. I’ve come to believe that these obstacles are actually a gift of life to you, because they are trying to tell you something. All we need to do is listen, before we go on.

In his famous book The Alchemist, Paulo Coelho touches on this topic as well. One of my favorite quotes from this book is:

Whoever you are, or whatever it is that you do, when you really want something, it’s because that desire originated in the soul of the universe. It’s your mission on earth. And when you want something, the whole universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.

And as true and inspiring as this is, Coelho also says that before you can reach your dream, you will be tested by the very same universe. And besides that test right before reaching his dream, there were many obstacles on the way of the shepherd Santiago as well.

How can we learn from obstacles?

First you need to look at obstacles as tests. They are not there to prevent you from reaching your dream or from achieving your goals. They are there to teach you something about yourself. It is important that you adopt this belief!

I think there are four main challenges in the obstacles we encounter.

Challenge 1: The dream test

Man is so made that whenever anything fires his soul, impossibilities vanish. Jean de la Fontaine

One of the first tests you’ll encounter is about the question whether you are really following your own dream. It happens that we sometimes are fooled by ourselves. We define something as a dream, but in reality it’s not entirely our dream. And when we’re not following our own dreams, whose dreams are we pursuing instead? Right! Someone else’s dreams … either in whole or in part, bot someone else’s dreams nevertheless.

If this happens though, life will throw obstacles at you in a staggering pace. Because life wants you to pursue your own dreams, and will make sure that it does what it can to get you back on track. And it does so by making the realization of the false dream very hard.

How to identify: Ask yourself this question: “How would I really feel if I never accomplished this in my entire life?”. Would it leave you hurting and is this too hard to accept? (hint: You have found the dream, or are very close to it) Or would you accept it, and just formulate something else? (hint: Life’s teaching you a lesson)

The action to take: Reconnect to your personal core values, your personal mission statement or your personal mantra. Visualize your future and redefine your dream. This challenge helped you to uncover another piece of it, now fill in the blanks.

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Challenge 2: The priority test

I’ve learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow. Maya Angelou

If you manage to get past challenge one, you get to the next round: Priority testing. Life has a way to show you how to see your dream and goals in perspective, by showing you what else you need to factor in. If you put your dream as an ultimate top priority, it will throw obstacles at you, related to health (mental or physical), love, family, friends and so on. These are important as well, and can be higher up the priority list.

These topics are often overlooked, partly because they’re ’soft’ and hard to translate into goals, or maybe because they are taken for granted a little bit too easy. Life is trying to teach you that you should pursue your dream, but not regardless!

How to identify: Whenever you’re pushing to get to that goal, something happens. You get ill, your spouse or your children get ill. You lack the energy to get the job done. You suddenly get anxiety attacks.

The action to take: Set your priorities straight. There’s more to life than accomplishing your dream. You need to be fit for purpose to get it done anyway. So take your time to be healthy and relax, take the time to have a family and social life. Living your dream is hardly ever done alone.

Challenge 3: The skills test

Identify the major obstacle that stands between you and your goal and begin today to remove it. Brian Tracy

It may also be that you don’t have the right skills yet, to fully pursue your dream. The obstacles that will arise are those that will call for these skills specifically. Life’s pretty smart when it comes to obstacles

It’s okay to find out that you don’t have the skills yet. Just don’t give up, but make another plan. What you need to remember here is that learning an essential skill to reach your dream, is working on accomplishing that dream too! You may feel like you’re working on something else, or losing time, but in fact you are setting the stage for success later on.

How to identify: You know that the task at hand is essential to achieving your dream, but you are unable to do it. You’ve thought about other ways to get around the problem, but keep getting back to that skill your missing.

The action to take: Learning a new skill might feel like a mountain to conquer. But my experience is that if that skill is necessary to get closer to fulfilling your dream, learning the skill is not that bad after all. The trick is to get started, so take the first step to learn that skill!

Challenge 4: The commitment test

It is a rough road that leads to the heights of greatness. Seneca

This is the true test. You’ve got it all going: It’s the right dream, you’ve got your priorities straight and you’ve got the skills you need. But…are you ready to do what it takes? Because that’s what life is going to test right now.

It’s going to set a stage where you need to show endurance and perseverance. It’s going to make it hard on you, to test wheter you are man or woman enough to deserve to have your dream fulfilled. This is the time to bite yourself into the matter and push on!

How to identify: You’re certain that you’re not dealing with any of the other three challenges, but there’s a challenge nevertheless. You’re not progressing as fast as you had hoped or planned. Or you find that you may need to take another approach to accomplishing it. Or you may need more funding to take the next step. Or … well any step that needs perseverance actually.

The action to take: Persevere! Make a nice visualization, either imaginary or by creating something that will help you visualize. Make small cuecards that help you remind you what you’re trying to accomplish. These will help you stay focused, when endurance and perseverance are called upon.

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Identify the challenge and take appropriate action

Life’s up and downs provide windows of opportunity to determine your values and goals. Think of using all obstacles as stepping stones to build the life you want. Marsha Sinetar

These four challenges have their own lessons to teach. But it is essential to identify what challenge you are dealing with. Only with the right action can you pass. You don’t want to push on (action for challenge 4), when you’re not really pursuing your own dream (challenge 1). And you don’t want to redefine your dream (action for challenge 1), when you find out you don’t have the right skills yet (challenge 3). If you take the wrong action, you are not moving closer to fulfilling your dreams. But if you take the wrong action, most of the time Life will just keep on pushing obstacles on your path.

So when life decides to pull you a trick, and place an obstacle on your path, be grateful! It’s an opportunity to learn something about yourself, and you can consciously choose how to deal with that obstacle. Remember that life is not the opponent. Life wants you to live your dream, and will help you to do just that. It’s good to know that Life’s favorite trick is to challenge you. All we can do is listen and learn.

Last weekend I have accomplished one of my big goals. Since last Sunday I am a certified Practitioner in Neuro Linguistic Programming. Or to quote the certificate:

Lodewijk van den Broek has successfully completed the course of training in Neuro-Linguistic Programming and has demonstrated competence in the presuppositions, skills and techniques of Neuro-Linguistic Programming at the level of NLP Practitioner.

Cool huh? I think so! However this article is not about me becoming certified, but about celebrating when you achieve a goal. And taking this as an example is a way to celebrate for me

Goal accomplished?

Accomplishing goals is one of the most gratifying experiences in the goal setting process. It is what all activities and all energy are focused upon: getting the desired result. After all this time working on this goal, alone or in a team, and after overcoming all kinds of unexpected obstacles it has at last produced result. Success!

But…what to do now?

All of a sudden there’s this gaping void of a missing purpose, a loss of direction. This is a natural response, and a lot of people start by setting new goals again. For them the void is so dominant and is perceived as a loss, rather than a gain. So they react by filling the void with new goals.

This is a reaction by adrenaline junkies who have become addicted to the path. It’s like climbing a mountain only to run down again after touching the summit, because the next mountain needs to be climbed.

They have lost their appreciation of a goal accomplished, of the victory of achieving the end-result. It’s great to enjoy the path, but goal setting is about the path and the end-result.

So celebrate the result!

So what do you do when you reached your desired end-result? You celebrate! You won! Go dance your victory dance, sing your song of victory, send out a press release, scream from the top of your lungs, tell everybody around you, buy yourself a gift, have a piece of chocolate cake, take a glass of 18-year old whiskey, get a massage, throw a party…get it?

Achieving success is something to celebrate! The gaping void is not a void; it’s a space to celebrate and to contemplate. But first of all to celebrate!

You just climbed a mountain, now sit down on the summit and enjoy the view. Be proud of being there; look back on the path towards the summit; laugh with the people that climbed with you about the mistakes you made and how you overcame them; thank them for their support along the way.

Be proud!

Celebration is to release the energy that built up along the way, commonly known as stress or strain. Celebrating provides an outlet for that energy and it clears the mind. You will find that the void isn’t a void anymore after the celebration. It’s an open space that you can fill creatively again.

And while enjoying the success and the celebration, small fragments of new goals start to appear. New ideas start to pop up in your mind, not because you need the rush of the path, but because there’s room to create new goals.

Now take the time to realign to your life goals or company goals if you’re in a corporate environment. Make a conscious decision on what you want to achieve next.

I’m not there yet…still celebrating a goal accomplished

Yes, it’s that time of year again. New Year’s Resolutions!

Essentially new year’s resolutions are simply goals or habit changes, but they are used by more people because they are somewhat of a tradition. The problem with new year’s resolutions is that they fail so often. The intention is right, but most people fail to adopt the right strategies. All in all, you do want them to work all year long (and preferably after that too!).

Steve calls on us to start planning ahead, instead of waiting for the last minute. Over at Change Your Thoughts, you can download a guide to make your New Year’s Revolutions, and a 21 minute talk about it too. Need more inspiration?

One of the popular resolutions is to lose weight. It made it to the top 5 list of WebMD, both for men and women. Aaron over at Today is that day, points out very well that you may need to shed some (mental) baggage, before you can make it work this time.

For business you can check IttyBiz for a series of marketing tips for small companies, to get more business (Naomi did some mind reading for you there). And how to make your business resolutions stick is another great article, that happens to be very applicable for personal goals also.

Bloggers (or writers actually) can find inspiration for resolutions at the Publishing Spot. And if you happen to be in personal development, Ian stated his resolutions on his blog as well, although there are a lot of self-sabotaging words in that list.

And finally, you can check 7 highly effective resolutions at the Ririan Project. Still not enough, check out the ToDoList-blog for tips to find resolutions. List parties! Yeah

This month I learned some goal setting lessons…the hard way! I’ve been working with setting goals and blogging about it for a couple of months now. And I made some mistakes. Preventable mistakes? Maybe, but honest mistakes anyway. This is a series of posts about those mistakes.

Mistake 4: Moving Targets

After all the earlier mistakes there’s the pitfall of the moving target. This happens when you set a goal to achieve something, but the end result isn’t entirely clear.

You start working on them enthusiastically, and while you work you get new insight and ideas. And they end up in the desired end result, consciously or subconsciously. There nothing really wrong with adjusting the desired goal as you go along, as long as you don’t lose sight of your original objective.

The phenomenon can be very demotivating. It’s like running a 5k race, only to find out that with every two steps you take, the finish line moves a step away. While you’re running this is not a big issue, but as soon as that finish line comes in sight (after running 7k!) … it’s not funny anymore.

Here’s the phenomenon in a first hand example.

Example: Get that garden done
The goal:

1. By December 2007 the garden in the front and back have been redone and are safe for children

The problem:
When I initially set this goal, I wanted to redo the garden for two reasons. It wasn’t safe for children and it wasn’t any fun for children.

The deadline was set for the end of the year, because I wanted to get it done before winter. Or rather, I wanted it to be ready for use in spring, because that would be the time that Jesse would walk and starts playing outside in the garden.

To have it ready by spring, the garden needs to be done before winter. During the winter you can’t really work in the garden anyway, and I wanted the new lawn to have strong roots before it gets abused in spring.

No problem so far actually. The goal is quantified, albeit a bit digital: it’s either done or not.

But while I was working on the garden, all kinds of ideas popped up in my mind. And I ended up adding them to the desired end result subconsciously. Which isn’t a bad thing necessarily, I know I want to have those features in the garden. But they weren’t part of the goal!

Two of these items, and they happen to be the ones that have yet to be conducted are:

• Planting two trees in the back of the garden.
• Moving the door in the fence to the other side of the garden

The trees need to come purely for cosmetic reasons, they need to block the view we have on an ugly building. And the door needs to move, so I can enter and leave the garden easily with my motorcycle. Two great ideas! But what do they have to do with making the garden safe for kids?

The solution:
In retrospect I can say that this goals has been completed for quite some weeks already. I still have little projects to do, but they weren’t part of the goal and I will do them anyway. The goal has been accomplished.

I could have prevented this if I would have lined out what the checkpoints were for the accomplishment of this goal. This could have been a list like this:

• Remove toxic plants from garden
• Remove big level differences, where kids can fall from heights to a hard floor
• Remove sharp objects, like nails and bushes with thorns
• Add a lawn where kids can play
• Add a sandbox with sand that’s safe for kids (and remains so by using a lid to prevent cats from ‘using’ it)

These would have been the “must-do’s” to accomplish this goal. Painting the fence wasn’t part of that list, it got done, but wasn’t necessary for accomplishing this goal. As are planting trees for cosmetic reasons and moving doors for transportation reasons.

Goal Setting Rules

So what are the lessons here?

1. Make a list of must-do’s for goals where the end-result is an idea or concept
2. It’s OK to do more than planned, as long as you at least do what you planned

This was the last article in the series. Well, for now anyway

This month I learned some goal setting lessons…the hard way! I’ve been working with setting goals and blogging about it for a couple of months now. And I made some mistakes. Preventable mistakes? Maybe, but honest mistakes anyway. This is a series of posts about those mistakes.

Mistake 3: Not Quantifying Enough

Goals represent things that you want to achieve. But not everything is quantitative, or expressed in numbers if you will. There are qualitative goals too, and those are usually about changing habits.

The problem with these goals is that you start enthusiastically, but never really know when it’s finished. Some habits changes have it built in, ‘quit smoking’ for instance is a habit change with a very measurable end result. But there are lots of other habit changes that don’t necessarily have a defined end result. You need to define when the habit change is a success.

Other habit changes are more of a means to a goal. Why do you want to change that habit? What is it that you want to achieve exactly? Do you just want to run twice a week? Or do you want to be able to run a marathon twice a year? If it’s the latter, state that as the goal. The habit change is only a way to get there (and an incomplete one too!).

Example: Qualitative habit changes
The goals:

1. Starting August 2007 I change my sleeping pattern to rising early, so I can spend more quality time with my family
2. Starting October 2007 I actively call, mail or see friends or family on at least four days a week.
3. Starting September 2007 I review my mission, guidelines and goals on a weekly basis
4. Starting September 2007 I workout five times a week, alternating running and weight lifting

The problem:
These goals have no end, because they lack a measurable end result, a criterion to define success. They start at a point in time, but when can I say: OK, this is a success!

Goal 1 was a major habit change, that I blogged about in the Early Bird Challenge. It was a success, and still is, but how did I define this? For this particular goal, I wanted to change to rising early (4:30 am) during August. I ended up at 5:00 am, and have sustained it pretty much ever since. But I never quantified when the sustained habit change was a real success? I also wanted to spend more quality time (oops: self-sabotage) with my family. But I did not quantify it.

As far as goal 2, 3 and 4 are concerned: when is it a success? After a week? Two weeks? Ten? A year?

Goal 2: What is the result I want to achieve with that habit change? Do I want it just to do it, or is there something else? Obviously I don’t want to stalk and harass my family and friends to meet my goal.

Something similar for the workouts. What defines a workout? Is picking up my 10 kilo son also lifting weights? Is working on home renovation a workout? And what do I want to achieve anyway? The running obviously is a means towards running half a marathon next year. But lifting weights?

The solution:
These goals need rephrasing or redefining. First I ask myself the question: What do I want to achieve with this? Then redefine the goal to a measurable goal.

Goal 1: I wanted to achieve that I’m awake and energetic when my family is awake. To do this, I needed to change my sleeping pattern. Change is successful after a sustained period of at least 5 out of 7 days for 10 weeks.

Goal 2: I want to achieve that I have an active social life. Being a father, working, blogging and pursuing goals can consume loads of time, and I don’t want to forget my friends and family. Goal was already rephrased in a weekly review to “Be in contact with…”. Successful if sustained for 10 weeks.

Goal 3: I want to pro-actively create my own reality. I don’t know how to measure that, so there’s no change to formulation. Successful if sustained for 10 weeks.

Goal 4: I want to achieve an athletic body with plenty of stamina. Stamina is measured by my ability to run half a marathon (and survive). Athletic body is measured by the amount of muscle mass (needs to increase) and fat percentage (needs to be reduced). For the latter two I need to do more research on exact figures.

Still not very easy to do, I must admit. But they have improved, and I can measure progress.

Goal Setting Rules

So what are the lessons here?

1. If there’s nothing to measure, you’re not done formulating yet
2. Habit changes are a means to an end, not goals by themselves

This still is a difficult part of goal setting. I’m not sure whether I’ve seen this one through all the way.

I’ll learn as I go along, I guess. I would love to hear your thoughts on this one.

Tomorrow: Mistake 4: Moving Targets