A lot of people are mind readers. Some people are even very proficient at it, reading minds of people every day, all day long. And most of the time, they get it so wrong. Mind reading is a dangerous trait.

The practice of mind reading

Of course I’m not talking about some supernatural phenomenon, a paranormal ability or extrasensory perception. I’m talking about a trait, or maybe a habit even. The habit of presuming to know what other people are thinking, without sufficient evidence of those thoughts. Some examples:

• “He must think I’m stupid for not knowing the answer to that question.”
• “When I ask for directions, she probably thinks I’m not man enough to take care of myself.”
• “If I’m not working full-time he thinks I’m not ambitious or that I’m taking advantage of his money.”
• “If I bring flowers, she probably thinks I have to make up for something.”
• “Oh my gosh he brought flowers…would that mean that…oh my gosh!”

Get the picture? “Reading” the mind of the other person, without knowing what’s really on their mind!

What makes matters worse is that people act upon those imagined thoughts, as if they were actual thoughts of the other! And that in turn might set off a whole series of events, leading to a great and possibly very damaging misunderstanding. I know, I’ve seen it again this week. Big time!

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Yesterday I was watching a fascinating show on Dutch television with medium Derek Ogilvie. He’s a Scottisch guy that uses his telepathic capabilities to communicate with children that can’t talk themselves (either because they’re too young, or because they have an ailment that prevents them from talking).

In the show last night he was working with a three year old that did not talk or walk yet. One of the messages he got through went something like this:

“There are so many words in your house…so many words, but nothing gets done.”

“It’s making your son confused, he thinks: if you want a new car, get a new car! If you want the house redecorated, redecorate it! Don’t talk talk talk, but do.”

“So many words, you talk but don’t decide, the words… YOU ARE WASTING WORDS!”

“There’s no fun in words, they get wasted and lead to nothing…”

Wasting words

The scene struck a chord in me, and especially the phrase “wasting words”. As a writer and a NLP enthusiast I know the power of words, and I use and choose words deliberately. What words you choose to use can make or break a message or result in an entirely different response than intended. Click to continue »

I’m only weeks away from being a certified NLP Practitioner, I will be officially recognized as someone who is capable of practicing Neuro-Linguistic Programming. There’s still lots to learn and to write about of course, and I plan on continuing my education to also get certified as a Master Practitioner.

In the past months I have taken up a battle with the presuppositions of NLP. They define a foundation of beliefs and attitudes that are necessary to really get the value out of NLP. And foundations are very important, so I took them up for a fight to see whether I choose to belief them.

They came out pretty much standing (and me too by the way). Here’s an overview of the posts and the presuppositions:

1. The ability to change the process by which we experience reality is more often valuable than changing the content of our experience of reality.
2. The meaning of the communication is the response you get.
3. All distinctions human beings are able to make concerning our environment and our behavior can be usefully represented through the visual, auditory, kinesthetic, olfactory, and gustatory senses.
4. The resources individuals need in order to effect a change are already within them.
5. The map is not the territory.
6. The positive worth of the individual is held constant, while the value and appropriateness of internal and/or external behavior is questioned.
7. There is a positive intention motivating every behavior, and a context in which every behavior has value.
8. Feedback vs. Failure - All results and behaviors are achievements, whether they are desired outcomes for a given task/context, or not.

There’s so much more to write about…there’s definitely more to come.

The positive worth of the individual is held constant, while the value and appropriateness of internal and/or external behavior is questioned.

This is one of the many NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) presuppositions and one of the original 8 of Richard Bandler.

What does NLP mean with the presupposition?
In short: The person is OK, the behavior might not be. We’re not questioning who you are, but what you do. Basically it says that NLP is free of judgment, we won’t judge you and neither should you. We do work together to see if we can get better results with internal or external behavior. It’s about what you do, not who you are.
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There is a positive intention motivating every behavior, and a context in which every behavior has value

This is one of the many NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) presuppositions and one of the original 8 of Richard Bandler.

What does NLP mean with the presupposition?
This is the presupposition that causes the most controversy. If there is a positive intention motivating every behavior, what do you make of all the crime? How’s that positive?

The key to this presupposition is that the positive intention is for the person executing the behavior. The intention is positive in that sense that reality looks better with that certain behavior than without, or it looks better after a certain action than before.

Often you’ll find an addition to this presupposition: “…and once was someone’s best choice.” So given the choices someone had, they executed the choice that seemed the best at the time, and the positive intention to have a better reality (for that person!) was the motivation.
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