Today I started reading the book Stumbling on Happiness by Daniel Gilbert. On page 5 already I felt myself being sucked into this book, and I know I will be enjoying it very much and learn something along the way as well. Daniel Gilbert has the gift to be very funny, both in writing and in speaking. I first learned about him when I watched his video on TED, where he talked about synthetic happiness. Seeing the video, made me buy the book, and judging from the first couple of pages it’s going to be worth it.

Some quotes that appealed to me

In the foreword he writes about his fascination of optical illusions and the tricks your mind plays with you. He then takes it a little further:

The mistakes we make when we try to imagine our personal futures are also lawful, regular and systematic.

Okay, food for thought already. He then goes on to say he hasn’t written a manual for happiness, if you want one of those:

Those books are located in the self-help section two aisles over, and once you bought one, done everything it says to do, and found yourself miserable anyway, you can always come back here to understand why.

Right…this is going to be interesting.

Then in chapter 1 “Journey to Elsewhen” he starts talking about “The Sentence” and about our unique ability to think about the future:

The greatest achievement of the human brain is its ability to imagine objects and episodes that do not exist in the realm of the real, and it is this ability that allows us to think about the future.

I just know I’m going to love his book.

This review has a fanacritical attitude. Fanacritical: partly fanatical, partly critical. And this movie asks for it…both!

The Secret is a movie about the Law of Attaction. The “plot” of the movie is that there is a secret that has been kept from the vast majority of humanity since ancient times. This secret is so powerful that if you know about it, your life will fill with riches, power and so on…and this movie will reveal the secret?!

The movie is not a movie as you know it from the cinemas. The movie is like a book with chapters, and a lot of teachers talking about the subject at hand from the perspective of the Law of Attraction. The movie is very inspirational and there is a lot of wisdom to be found if you look in the right places. And in the end the secret is not all that secretive after all. Some likes and dislikes…

Like: Thoughts have power

This is something I believe very much. Thought has power when it comes to programming yourself. This is one of the premises of NLP as well. But there’s more to it than just thinking it; you need to be able to exert control over achieving it, and you have to believe that you can attain it.

Dislike: The thought is “broadcasted” into the cosmos

This is a large part of the movie, and it is animated in several ways as well. Looks great, but how it works? Not a single viable explanation is given, some pseudo scientific attempts can be found, but solid evidence is not presented.

Like: Visualize your goals

Visualizing is a powerful tool, and has been used in many different fields. In sports it’s used to guide athletes in performing to their best and NASA uses it to train astronauts. Visual is only one of the senses that you can use, you can make it more powerful when you add sounds and feelings. Compare it with a flight simulator for pilots, it’s not just the picture, it’s the sounds and the feelings (motion) as well. Pilots train in simulators and it’s as real as flying a plane, but without the plane or the flying.
I like the concept of vision boards of John Assaraf as well, as a tool to aid visualization (it cannot replace it!!).

Dislike: Hidden (absurd) assumptions

There is a part in the movie where the law of attraction is translated to the extreme. It’s where suddenly everything in your life is attracted to you because of you. Joe Vitale is the one that goes the furthest by saying that everything in your life is attracted to you by you. So how does a 2 year old that perished in a tsunami relate to this? Or an 8 year old kid in Sierra Leone that’s abducted and brainwashed to be a child soldier? Sure that’s the other end of the spectrum, but how does the law of attraction apply to this? I don’t buy it.

Like: Semantics are important Several of the teachers stress the fact that the way you formulate your thoughts is important. Most of the advice is about formulating your wants and goals in a positive way, formulate what you DO want, not what you DON’T want. Also formulate the subject in such a way that it formulates exactly what you want. So don’t think: “I don’t want to be in debt.” or “I want to get out of debt”. Change it to “I want to be prosperous” or similar formulations.

Dislike: The cosmos takes care of everything

This is what I dislike the most. I know of a lot of people that especially like this part of the movie. And then translate it in such a way that the only “work” they need to do is think hard en believe it will happen…and then do nothing! Oh please! The cosmos or the universe is not going to do the work for you.

The power of the thoughts is in focusing your attention and enabling your mind to recognize stuff that’s going to help you. Everything you need is out there, you just don’t recognize it. Have you ever bought a new (used) car, and then noticed that there are a frigging lot of those cars on the road? They were there before, you just didn’t recognize it.

You still have to put in the work, it’s just that your work is going to be more productive, because you are enabling yourself to move forward faster. Don’t be deceived by the “thinking is enough, and the cosmos will answer” translation.

Like: Gratitude rocks!

This is something I really learned from the movie. Focusing on gratitude has several benefits:

• it makes you feel grateful for what you already have
• it helps you formulate positive thoughts
• it brings your attention to the now, as opposed to the future of your goals

The concept of Gratitude rocks (I like the dual meaning of that expression) is something I started using right after I finished watching. I grabbed a rock (a pretty Lapis Lazuli rock) and put it in my pocket. Every time I touch it I think of something I’m grateful about. I put it in the pocket with my keys, so now I’m grateful say 20 times a day, as opposed to a handful of times before.

On the DVD there’s a Director’s comments version (Rhonda Byrne and two guys), which I have watched (time to burn in a hotel room). The most is utter babble, but there’s a part where one of the guys asks Rhonda who people should express their gratitude to. To my very surprise (and relief) she answers something like: “Well you express it to yourself. You are the one doing this for yourself after all.”

So what’s the conclusion?

I’m really ambiguous about this movie. I like and dislike it at the same time. I defend it to skeptics, and criticize it to fanatics. There’s a lot to be found there, but please don’t believe everything. Attaining goals still requires you to work hard to get there. You won’t win the lottery, simply because you think you will. Don’t rely on the cosmos alone to achieve your goals. The cosmos will present opportunities, it is still entirely up to you to recognize them and take them up. Take this “joke” as an inspiration for that:

There was a man whose farm was located on the banks of a flood-swollen river. As the water rose, a neighbor drove up in a Jeep, urging him to leave before the farm was flooded. “Oh, no,” said the man confidently, “God will save me.”

The water rose higher, and the man was forced to move into the second story of the farmhouse. A police boat soon came, and the officers called for the man to hurry and get into their boat. “Oh, no, that won’t be necessary,” the man insisted. “God will save me.”

Finally the house was completely engulfed in water, and a Coast Guard helicopter swooped in to rescue the man, now perched on the roof. Again he refused. Just then, a huge wave of water swept over the house, and the man drowned.

When he got to heaven, he stormed at the Lord, asking WHY God had let him die when his faith had been so strong. “What do you mean?” asked the heavenly Father. “I sent a Jeep, a boat, and a helicopter … and you wouldn’t budge!”

For those of you who haven’t heard of Richard Branson before, he is an exceptional entrepreneur and the founder of the Virgin group of companies. Business life for Richard Branson started at the age of 17 when he started to publish a magazine Student. He aimed high: he chased down Mick Jagger, John Lennon and the likes to get interviews, he phoned major companies to sell advertisements, and he targeted a nationwide audience. It took a year or so to take off, but he succeeded. Student magazine eventually lead to a music record mail ordering business, music shops, a studio and eventually the Virgin Music record label.

Richard did not stop there, Virgin Music has reinvented itself over and over. At first is was a record label with a hippy image (Mike Oldfield’s Tubular Bells was the big breakthrough), but after signing the Sex Pistols this image changed. After this Phil Collins, Peter Gabriel, Sting, Janet Jackson, The Rolling Stones and many many others were signed by Virgin. In the meantime though Richard got a bit “bored” as he lost the challenge in the game of contracting another pop group. So he started an airline to compete against British Airways. To cut a long story short, he succeeded in running it successful, despite the dirty tricks from BA and despite the fact that he “lost” Virgin Music in the process. Nowadays, Virgin has a wide variety of companies, and they target markets where customers are getting a raw deal, or where there is a market dominance by one or two players.

Last week I finished his autobiography Losing My Virginity. It’s a recommended read, his story is a remarkable one, that I find very inspirational. In his book Richard tells about his life from the very start, including the successes, the screw-ups, the record attempts, his marriages, having children, losing a child, buying an island, battling BA and banks and so on.

My interest in life comes from …

Richard repeats several times that his life’s motto is to “Live life to the full”. Somewhere in the book, when he describes an argument between some of the key people at Virgin he states the following: “My interest in life comes from setting myself huge, apparently unachievable challenges and trying to rise above them.”. This is true for him from a business perspective (starting in a business and competing heads-on with BA or Coca Cola definitely comply to that), but also from a personal perspective (doing several record attempts at crossing the Atlantic by boat and balloon).

The record attempts are dangerous, and several times Richard thought he was going to die in the attempt. Becoming a father did not stop him in doing these record attempts, however he started writing goodbye notes to his wife and children as if he was about to die. Thinking you are about to die, or preparing yourself for the possibility are very emotional experiences. They make you focus on what’s important, and to what legacy you want to leave. As an exercise this is very powerful, and you don’t need the record attempts to do the exercise. Visualizing your funeral, or writing your will or writing a goodbye note to your spouse and children will focus you on what’s important.

Fun is at the core of …

If you read the book, you’ll find that Richard Branson works a lot! You can just imagine him being at the phone for hours and hours, no matter what location he is in. Apparently he misses out on lots of fun activities while he does that. However in the book there’s a passage where he describes his feelings about work. This is just after he sold Virgin Music to EMI:
“Times had changed and we had 500 million pounds in the bank. But I didn’t believe in leaving it there. At this point I could of course have retired and concentrated my energies on learning how to paint water colours or how to beat my mum at golf. People asked me: ‘Why don’t you have some fun now?’ but they were missing the point. As far as I was concerned, this was fun. Fun is at the core of the way I like to do business and it has been key to everything I’ve done from the outset. More than any other element, fun is the secret of Virgin’s success.”

And later in an interview in a magazine I found the following quote:
“Look, if you can indulge in your passion, life will be far more interesting than if you’re just working. You’ll work harder at it, and you’ll know more about it, but first you must go out and educate yourself on whatever it is that you’ve decided to do, know more about kite surfing than anyone else. That’s where the work comes in, but if you’re doing things you’re passionate about, that will come naturally.”

This is so true. Find your passion and indulge in it. Make the most of it, and you will be able to earn a living doing it. You may not see it right away, but I believe this to be true.

Lists, lists and some more lists

Running a single company is a challenge, running a group of companies might look like an unachievable challenge (remember: Richard likes it that way). To get through the day, you got to have a productivity system, right? As with most successful systems, Richard Branson’s system is simple. He takes notes in a standard notebook, and writes everything down. He states that he worked his way through a bookcase full of them. And there’s this quote in his book as well:
“I have always lived my life by making lists: lists of people to call, lists of ideas, lists of companies to start, lists of people who can make things happen. Each day I work through these lists and it is that sequence of calls that propels me forward.”

Simply lists. That’s what it all boils down to, well including the discipline to work through them of course. But that’s where the passion comes in again, work on the right stuff, and working through the lists gets fun! And basically GTD is all about lists as well.

Hmm, a list of companies to start, hadn’t thought of that one before…

The 4-hour workweek
Escape 9-5, live anywhere, and join the new rich
by Tim Ferriss
ISBN-10: 0307353133 ISBN-13: 978-0307353139
Published by Crown/Random House (April 24, 2007)

Tim Ferriss sure knows how to launch a book. I was amazed by the speed with which reviews appeared on all kinds of blogs I regularly read. On top of it (or because of it?) the book soared through the Amazon bestseller ranks, and entered the top 10 within days of release. I haven’t read it yet, but I sure will be reading it soon!

For the reviews, check the following sites:

• The 4-hour workweek will change how you work @ Lifedev
• Tim Ferris - The 4 hour workweek @ Problogger
• The book that changed my life in 2 hours @ Iwillteachyoutoberich
• Rethink your relationship with work @ Web Worker Daily

And some interviews

• Interview at Lifedev
• Interview at Problogger, part I and part II
• Podcast at SXSW

Tim blogs as well, you can find it here. Interested? You can buy the book at Amazon.

What Got You Here, Won’t Get You There

How successful people become even more successful
by Marshall Goldsmith with Mark Reiter
ISBN-10: 1401301304 ISBN-13: 978-1401301309
Published by Hyperion (January 9, 2007)

I love the title, as the title alone makes you think already. This book has a lot to offer, both in insight about habits that may prevent you from being (more) successful, as in recognizing and understanding the behavior of your boss!

I found this book at San Francisco airport last January. When I took a closer look at it however, I almost discarded it. You really, really have to look through the overkill in shameless (self?) promotion. The first 6!! pages are testimonials. Alan Mulally in particular is obviously very important to the publishing company, as his testimonial is repeated three times (inside cover, back cover, and testimonial section). I’m glad that I could see through it all, as the book contains a lot of useful advice from Marshall’s many years of experience as a coach to successful managers, business leaders and CEO’s.

The trouble with success

The book starts with the belief system of successful people. These beliefs (the skills, confidence, motivation and free will to be successful) are necessary for your success, but they also make us superstitious; superstitious in the way that we tend to believe that we are successful because of our behavior. Marshall adds to this that a lot of the times we are successful in spite of our behavior, and we tend to defend our dysfunctional behavior, because we are successful. Pretty twisted, huh?

Nasty habits (about 20 of them)

It’s better to stop with habits that are holding you back (not always, but most of the time anyway). Changing habits takes time, and requires motivation. Marshall does an excellent job at proving why these 20 habits are as nasty as they are, and he provides plenty examples to spark an intrinsic motivation to change some of yours. I’ll go over some of the habits (that I feel connect well with this blog).

2. Adding too much value
Too much value? Can you add too much value? Marshall focuses on interpersonal interactions and the behavior associated with it. In interpersonal relationships you can add too much value! Have you ever been in a conversation where you were trying to get an idea across, but you kept being interrupted with remarks about how it would even be better? Up to the point where you felt that your idea was subject to a hostile takeover? That’s when someone’s adding too much value. They have the need to always add value to a conversation, when sometimes just listening is enough.

10. Failing to give proper recognition
Failing to give recognition deprives people from closure. If someone does a great job at something, but he or she does not get the recognition for it, they feel forgotten or ignored. I recognize how often this happens. If you’re goal-oriented and you put everything on achieving it, by yourself or as a team, recognition of important contributions is often omitted. It doesn’t bring us closer to where we want to be, so why waste time right? Wrong! And you probably know it. I know too, this is one I have to work on…

17. Failing to express gratitude
We express gratitude all day long, try counting the times we say Thank you. A lot of times they are mechanistic (someone hands you something, you say Thank you) and the rest consists mainly of accepting compliments. There are a lot of situations where Thank you would also be the best response. This is when people give you feedback or criticism. We usually start defending and arguing, when the best response would be simply “Thank you”.

You can probably remember a situation where you gave an honest feedback to someone (“Like the suit!”) and the response would undermine the feedback (“Nah, it’s a 10 year old one, my really good suits are at the drycleaner’s”). Worse still, when you give feedback based on sensitive emotions (“When you say to me to watch what I’m eating all the time, you make me feel insecure.”) and the person starts to argue with you (“No that’s not true, it doesn’t make you feel insecure…”). Don’t you just hate that? Wouldn’t “thank you” be a much better response on an interpersonal level?

20. An excessive need to be “me”
I liked this one. I think it’s important to be me; this blog about being authentic after all. What happens when this gets excessive though? It starts when we regard behavior (good or bad) to be part of our inalterable essence, part of ourselves. I had have this with being late at appointments, I have been late for as long as I can remember. I don’t like being late, I have had a lot of unpleasant situations due to being late, yet I’m always frigging late. It came to a point where I convinced myself and others, that this was just part of me, deal with it! This is the excessive need to be me… we regard habits or behavior to be part of our essence, and that’s plain wrong. You can change the habit. Don’t put yourself up as the excuse!

Changing for the better

Now you probably don’t need to change all 20 habits, so there are some guidelines as to how to discover what to change, how to change it, and how to measure if you’ve succeeded. To discover which habits are holding you back, your need to turn to your environment to solicit feedback. In the end, they will also determine whether you have been successful at changing. Dysfunctional behavior that nobody in your environment cares about doesn’t need to be changed as far as Marshall is concerned.

Summary

I learned a lot from this book. I could write a lot more about the good stuff that’s in there (like the rules of changing, the importance of apologizing and much more). It focuses on behavioral change, and provides a lot of insight in bad habits you didn’t even know existed. It does assume that you want to be successful (in my opinion a fair assumption).

Marshall writes in a conversational style that’s easy to read, and he provides a lot of examples. Not in the least from his own experiences (in trying and failing to change habits) which he describes in a way that’s filled with humor.

If you want to be more successful, and don’t mind examining your own behavior, this book is an excellent read. If reading is all you do with it, you’ll probably recognize the habits that your boss needs to be working on! And that in itself makes for some good conversation at the coffee machine.

Interested? Get it here from Amazon, or click the picture.